Interesting Ways to Make Telemarketers Cry
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Most people are annoyed by telemarketers and try their best to get rid of them, sometimes politely with a "No thank you," sometimes with a harsh cursing out, and sometimes with a rather indifferent, "Could you please take me off your call list."
The thing is telemarketers are like fleas, where you find one, you're likely to find dozens of others so the whole "Please take me off your list" thing is not as effective as it should be. So what is a person to do? I am probably the first person to say stop being annoyed and start enjoying it, after all telemarketers are free entertainment...
Here are some things that make telemarketers want to hang up on you. Generally speaking telemarketers are out to sell something to whomever they are calling. So what happens when you mirror their motives and answer, "Why no, I'm not interested in X Product but I do have a car for sale. You don't happen to need a car do you? It's a real nice one, doesn't have any funny smells and it's traveled less then 10,000 miles..." Keep going for as long as the telemarketer keeps stuttering.
Recently I've learned the Too Much Information Strategy. This comes when instead of giving the telemarketer a good mark you insist on keeping them on the phone telling them your entire life story in the most pathetic terms available. If your life is good, make something up. I learned this from watching a crazy friend answer the phone and say something to the effect of, "You know I have nothing against telemarketers, I'm sure you're good people just doing your job but could you please take me off your call list because I don't need to be harassed by telephone calls when I'm already living through a huge life crisis! My boyfriend just left me after twelve years because he thought I cheated with my roommate who actually raped me..." This went on for fifteen minutes, got increasingly disquieting and ended when the telemarketer kept repeating with increasingly anguished cries, "I got to go now... I GOT TO HANG UP!" She never called back...
A similar tact is just to act crazy. Answer with a traditional greeting, "You're one of them aren't you?" Telemarketers don't want to deal with anything quite as creepy as that if you can pull it off.
If you have a partner or friend at your house you can always stage the fake argument. This is where two people can play a game of Improv without leaving the house. The more incredibly strange the argument the more amusing it'll be. Start the staged fight simple with something real couples fight about... whether it's a complaint about the toothpaste being squeezed from the middle of the tube or an accusation of infidelity, it doesn't matter. If the telemarketer hangs on get increasingly scary. Make it sound like the both of you were born into a Columbian drug cartel and know no other way to make a living then assassinating politicians and robbing banks. You might get some nervous laughter but if you're good at this you can always plant a seed of doubt into the mind of the telemarketer, "Is this for real? No can't be.... but what if it is? I should really hang up."
Another great one is to answer the phone with something like this, "Hello, you have reached Saucy Sally's Sex Chat Line. Please wait a moment while you are transferred to a live Saucy Sally operator. You will be charged 2 dollars per minute..." You can make it a psychic hotline too or really anything that involves being charged. If the telemarketer buys it they'll hang up, after all they're trying to make money not loose it!
If you are good at impersonations you can also stretch your skills doing this as well. Trust me when I say telemarketers aren't any more fond of choppy hard to understand English then you are.
If all else fails just put a strange message on the answering machine and stop picking up the phone. This can be particularly annoying if you make the message on your machine sound like you've actually picked up the phone. "Hello? Hello? I can't hear you.... what are you saying? HELLO? Who is this? Why aren't you talking??" Be careful to warn friends and family of this little stunt because I knew someone who did this and really confused his friends who called...
All in all have fun and make sure you have nothing to hide just in case the telemarketer decides to report any strange activity in your home...
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Ha! I like the "you're one of THEM aren't you?" I use it all the time. ;)
You are Inspiring me to come up with some mighty devious thoughts of ways to torture telemarketers. Good one though !
lol - these are all awesome suggestions. I would sure hate to get on your bad side :)
What I really want is an automatic anti-telemarketer machine. *They* have the machines, so we should have them too. Whenever a telemarketer calls, there is a "spam" button that you can click on, and from then onwards, the machine will play the Sex Chat Line response. What do you think? We should patent this :)
There has been an anti-telemarketer machine available for many years. I have one. It costs 35 bucks and works perfectly. A call comes in and if it is a telemarketer you just push the button and walk away. It has a bell that rings three times in the telemarketer's ear and then a message is spoken that says ""I’m sorry....this number does not accept this type of call. Please regard this as your notification to remove this number from your list. Thank you."
Upon completion of this message, the Easy Hang Up hangs up the call automatically. http://electronicsusa.com/mk40.html
chuck
Love it love it love it!
If you ask a telemarketer what color panties she is wearing it will abruptly end the phone call.
hahahahah!!! lmAO!!!That is a good idea!!! I used to do something worst, I used to be in door to door direct sales.
fRANKI
That was a fun read - thanks for the laugh!
I heard about a guy that told the telemarketer to call him back in five minutes. During this time he looked the telemarketer up online, where the guy lives etc. When the tm calls him back to record the deal he gives the info of the telemarketer instead. Then he ordered a big woodstatue of Lenin in the telemarketers name.
I actually answer in Spanish. I keep talking as a Guatemalan maid,they do not get a word and hung up on me.
I think your summation at the end, well...sums it up. Just have fun. I usually don't even pick up the phone thanks to Caller ID, but still, it can get annoying when the phone rings several times a day even when you aren't picking it up.
I now say :"Its you again...you called my kid last week trying to sell her porno...she is only 11years old...are you some sort of sick pervert?...now you are trying to sell me sex...are you one of those who try to sell sex..and don't try to sell me drugs again...I'm recording this and my attorney said he would take the tape to the police...now stop this, you hear me?..you are upsetting me...I'm afraid you are dangerous... etc (It works)especially if you start crying
Here are my methods I use to get telemarketers to hang up on you. Overtime, you will get less and less calls. I have used these methods on two phone numbers and both have great results. From about 1 call everyday to 1 every month.
or you could just break into song...hello i love you wont you tell me your name...hello i love you wont you jump in my game
This is great! I found a cd on cdbaby.com one time that recorded just such calls where people messed with telemarketers. It was hilarious.
I am SO gonna try all this! xD
thx for all the ideas guys!
If my caller-id would work I would answer with
"County Morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em!"
I always go for the classic: "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" But on a few occasions the telemarketer plays along and it just gets awkward...
A female telemarketer once called my dad. He asked her number, so he could call back when he felt like buying the product. She hung up.
I like to answer with "Buddy the elf! What's your favourite colour!?
im a great person, 18, with a big loving heart.. oh yah and a telemarkter. and guess what IM GETTING PAID more than you and your momma. did i mention im 18?! i have a great life making so much money for my age. you people are honestly pathetic taking about how wonderful and funny it would be to make our lifes miserable..FUNNY thing is we laugh more at how stupid you people sounds yelling on the phone..fyi: we dont like bothering people all day..the job pays the bills damnit. call ya later ;)
By Gawd, Epeezy, You're one of them, ain'tchu?
Im actually a telemarketer, and the only reason why is because right now, its the only job i can have while trying to get my bachelors in accounting and still being able to feed my kids everyday. my job is to try and sell vacations- at least 3 a week or else i get let go.
On a daily basis i get yelled at, cussed at, and told to go to hell for trying to offer someone a vacation.
If my job wasnt already hard enough, having a bunch of pathetic losers like you answer the phone and give me hell for NO REASON makes it torture.
We arent machines, we are people. My co-workers are the funniest, most friendly, genuine people ive ever met in my life.
So, before you start making up terrible things to tell 'telemarketers', think about how you would feel if someone were to do that to you.
Day after day after day after day.
Yes, how very funny and wannabe clever. Except, do you even consider that these are real people you're jerking around, and some may not shrug your funny little stunts off, especially when it's their job hanging in the balance? How can you feel so safe doing these things when they know your name and phone number, and often times, ADDRESSES, and you don't know theirs. Don't you think that some of them take notes of the calls that left them feeling like crap? If they're jilted enough, or even get fired from lack of selling, then it may be quite worth their unemployed time to take their notes and seek some personal revenge. The best part is that you won't even know it's because you've pissed off a telemarketer. Never mind common courtesy, but where is common sense for your personal safety?
Wow, yet another case of a telemarketer going on a killing spree. Seems to happen a lot these days... or does it? You know I have had a telemarketer tell me this article was funny that people who add humor to the situation (who are never going to buy anything anyway) make the day go by faster. Would you prefer we all take the usual cussing them out routine? People take satire so damn seriously these days. I pity people who have no sense of humor, your lives must be miserable!
SERIOUSLY .. MUST WE ALL BE SO CRUEL .. I MEAN THEY ARE JUST TELEMARKETERS .. THEY NEED THE WORK TO FEED THEIR FAMILIES .. LMAO OHH PLEASE .. I USUALLY SAY WHAT DO YOU WANT AND HOW MUCH YOU WANT THAT I ANT GOT ..IF IT MORE THEN THE 25 CENTS I GOT IN MY POCKET IM NOT INTERESTED AND TAKE ME OFF THE LIST .. I LOVE THE ARTICLE .. KEEP IT COMING .. I NEED SOME MORE IDEAS .
Sorry, but wasting a telemarketer's time by attempting to keep them on the line by playing with them doesn't make the day go faster. It keeps them from, you know, doing their job. And, killing spree? No, just toying with their obviously more important employment in the same fashion so that they may lose it would be revenge enough. Or, simply calling their homes at 3am every few nights a week from a pay phone. Yeah, that'd be just about square. Hope you'll see the humour in that, too!
Tater2tot 3 years ago
LOL! I usually just hang up on them right after they say "Hello, May I interest you..." but I think I will try these. They sound funny. Actually I did do a Chinese accent once but it was really bad and my family couldn't stop laughing in the background, so they just said "Thanks and have a nice day". LOL. Good hub. Funny.
Tayler!